


And I'll Be Holding On To You

by Moriartied



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, alpha!Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 08:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moriartied/pseuds/Moriartied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isaac craves Derek's approval, but knows deep down that he's not worth it. He's just a disappointment, a burden. (Tag to that scene where Derek goes all alpha on Isaac and he cowers, which I am too lazy to figure out the episode number).</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'll Be Holding On To You

The worst thing for Isaac had never been the pain or the anger; it had always been the disappointment. It was like no matter how hard he tried he just wasn’t good enough. He just couldn’t fill the void left by Cam and his mom. He couldn’t make his dad happy. He couldn’t make him stop drinking. He couldn’t do anything right because he was just a fucking failure.

Somewhere in his head he knew that wasn’t true. He knew his father was twisted and that he shouldn’t put stock in what he said, but when your only family member left kicks the shit out of you on a regular basis because you’re such a fuck up, it’s kind of hard not to get sucked into self-hatred.

After his dad died it wasn’t like some miracle switch got flipped and suddenly he was okay. Submission had been so ingrained into his being that it was nearly impossible to break. He had perfected the douchey leather wearing exterior attitude, but it didn’t go any more than skin deep.

Derek was the alpha. Which meant just another person whose expectations Isaac would inevitably fail. And while he did love belonging to the pack, he knew it wouldn’t last long until Derek got sick of him and kicked him out on the streets. He tried his best, but as he’d learned long ago, his best usually wasn’t good enough.

And so he frequently found himself on the receiving end of Derek’s anger. The physical aspect he could stand. It wasn’t the first time he’d had an arm broken, and now with his werewolf healing, he didn’t even have to worry about explaining it to anyone. What got to him though was the disappointment, the cold shoulder Derek turned when Isaac had gone against his instructions. Isaac would slink away and sit for hours by himself amidst empty wooden crates in the abandoned train station. He would curl up into a ball like he’d done so many times before and rock himself back and forth until that eerie calm came over him, where his head was nearly empty and his entire body was numb. And then he would slink back out to Derek, who it seemed hadn’t even noticed he was gone.

Scott made things a little better, but Scott wasn’t always there, and he technically wasn’t pack, so it didn’t matter if he praised Isaac, or reassured him. It was just empty words, in Isaac’s mind, because Derek was the only one with the power to make it okay. And Derek was disappointed, which meant that Isaac was a disappointment, yet again. He wondered if Derek regretted giving him the bite. Probably. Because who would want someone as useless as Isaac in their pack?

When Isaac lost control and nearly went after Stiles in the police station, it was the angriest he had ever seen Derek. The bared fangs, the red alpha eyes… Isaac knew that he had messed up. He cowered away from Derek, terrified and hating himself. It was stupid, he should have known better than to lose himself around Stiles, especially. He knew how much Derek cared about the kid. So he had waited until Derek was distracted with Scott and Stiles and everyone else who was more important than Isaac, and then he’d slunk away, slowly making his way down the familiar streets to his old house, finding his way through the dark down the basement stairs.

When Derek found him four hours later, he was curled up in the freezer with his sweatshirt hood up over his head, rocking back and forth and shaking. He was so locked in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice Derek at first until he felt hands on his shoulders. He snapped his head around, eyes wide as he looked up at Derek. Derek pulled his hands back, crossing them over his chest, and Isaac’s face visibly fell.

“I… I’m sorry,” he said, voice low and raw as he pushed himself up out of the freezer box, eyes cast downward.

Derek took a deep breath, shaking his head. He didn’t say anything, and Isaac felt the lump rising in his throat again. All he wanted was Derek’s approval. But he knew he would never get it, because he was just a fuck up. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and followed Derek silently up the stairs.

Later that night, Isaac lay awake in the abandoned train station. He could hear the even breaths and heart beats of his pack mates. But his own breaths were shallow and ragged. He heard the floor creak and he tensed up. Great, he’d woken up Derek, who would probably be pissed off now at having his sleep disrupted. Isaac curled in on himself, rolling onto his side and facing the wall. The cot he was sleeping on was thin and half the springs were broken, but he didn’t really care, he didn’t deserve anything better.

He was confused when he felt the bed dip down as Derek sat down on the edge. He crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lip, hoping that Derek would just go, and save the lecture for the morning. But the alpha didn’t leave. Instead he moved to lie down on the bed, curving his body to line up with Isaac’s. He bit down hard on his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as they burned with tears.

Then Derek’s arm wrapped around his waist, and the other hand came up to run through his tangled curls. Isaac furrowed his eyebrows. This didn’t make any sense.

“What are you--?”

“Shh,” Derek cut him off, breath hot against his neck. He pulled Isaac closer against him. “You’re okay,” he said quietly.

Isaac shook his head. “I messed up. It’s not okay. I’m sorry.”

Derek carded his fingers through Isaac’s hair. But Isaac only tensed more. “I was stupid to think… I don’t deserve this. I’m just a burden.”

Derek’s hands stilled. “Is that what you think?” he asked.

Isaac nodded, turning his face into the pillow.

“You’re an idiot.”

Isaac blinked. “What?”

Derek shook his head, moving to rest his chin on Isaac’s shoulder. “I’m sorry if that’s the impression I’ve given you. Isaac, if I hadn’t wanted you in my pack I would never have given you the bite.”

Isaac wrenched himself from Derek’s arms, pushing himself up and scrunching himself up into the corner.

“Just _stop_ , okay?” he begged. “I don’t know what you want from me, but I know I’ll just let you down in the end. So just... just don’t.”

Derek sat up, brows furrowed, concerned etched into the lines of his face. He took a deep breath. “Isaac, I know I’m not the best at showing emotions, but you have to believe that I don’t think you’re a burden, and I care about you, so much. More than just an alpha caring about his beta. I wish you could see that, and I... I’ve probably gone about everything all wrong.” He paused, looking up at Isaac who was watching him dubiously, “Isaac, you’re an amazing person. I’ve seen how brave you can be, and how loyal. I’ve seen your strength and your compassion, and I wish you could see how incredible you are, and I wish I could wipe away all your self-doubt.”

Isaac shook his head, eyes ringed red from the tears he was fighting back. “You don’t mean that. You don’t really care about me. There’s no reason to.” He wrapped his arms around his knees, still shaking his head.

Derek stared at Isaac. Where had he gone so horribly wrong? He wasn’t disappointed in Isaac in the least. He was actually incredibly proud of his beta. He took a breath and moved closer to Isaac, reaching out his hand to rest on Isaac’s forearm. “I do care, Isaac. I care more than anything,” he stroked Isaac’s arm with his thumb.

“Why?” Isaac asked, darkly. He couldn’t think of anything about himself that deserved the things Derek was saying.

Derek moved forward to cup Isaac’s cheeks with warm hands. “I want you to be happy. You deserve it.”

Isaac stared up at Derek in disbelief. His eyes widened even further as Derek leaned in and pressed his lips against his. He was still gaping when Derek pulled away.

Derek cocked an eyebrow, “Get it now?” he asked.

Isaac nodded slowly, finally letting out the breath he’d been holding. Then without thinking he launched himself at Derek, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck and burying his face in his chest. Derek smiled, holding Isaac close, and pressed a kiss to the boy’s forehead. 


End file.
